So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
