I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
