i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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