I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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