the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
