I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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