So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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