oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this boner is exhausting
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
