The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
