Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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