The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
