So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
