New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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