Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
