So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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