i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
