You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
