I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
