I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
