his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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