First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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