just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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