I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
