What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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