Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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