I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
