the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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