then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
