If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
