he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
