Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
