well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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