dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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