you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
