Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
