she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Randomize
