The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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