i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
