We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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