that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
