I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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