Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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