you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
