that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
