I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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