she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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