Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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