Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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