Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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