I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
