i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
