Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
