why im i the only drunk person in the library?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
