Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
