Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize