My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize