Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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