This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
