the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
