forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
