It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
