dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
