Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
